[not that it’s over yet]

i had to go into work this morn­ing, and on the way in, i ran over a squir­rel. i’ve never killed any­thing before…well, okay, bugs. at any rate, that was a pretty sick­en­ing thing to start my day out with. not, you know, sick­en­ing for any blood’n’guts aspect, just, well, i’m not a killer. even acci­den­tally. i swerve to avoid any­thing cross­ing the road (and i even stop to help tur­tles across). :(

today is the one-year for chris… i didn’t know how i’d feel about it as the day approached. i think i pretty suf­fi­ciently mourned a year ago and in time since, and i mourned him far more than any­one i’d ever known. i still don’t think it hon­ours his mem­ory any to be moan­ing and wail­ing, but he cer­tainly deserves a solid dose of respect. i did what i could to remem­ber him a lit­tle more today than usual (because it’s rare a day doesn’t go by that he does not bring a smile to my face by remem­ber­ing some­thing funny he said or some­thing kind he did), and i feel that he’s, well, appeased. not by my totemistic rit­u­als, but in gen­eral. i saw a strange sign of that on thurs­day when my brother sent me an email say­ing that he’d just got­ten back from his local used cd shop and some­thing guided him to the wire sec­tion, a band he’d “heard of but knew zero about”, as he said. he bought 154 and told me it blew him away. if you know chris, you know this is kind of an eerie coin­ci­dence (i explained to my brother that near the anniver­sary of a huge wire fan’s death, another being born puts a smile on my face). also creep­ily enough, i think it was kind of in the realm of exactly two years ago that he and i went to see wire at the bow­ery, his first (and only) wire show.

the useri­con is not a coin­ci­dence, but i think that attached to this post, it car­ries about four lev­els of meaning.

how to feel? throat real­l­l­l­l­l­l­lly hurts, voice fairly lost, but beer, oddly enough, helps. with the throat, that is. helps in other ways, too, one sup­poses… i know i actu­ally shed a few tears on the drive, after dis­patch­ing the lit­tle grey fuzzy guy, but i have a feel­ing a few of those tears were prob­a­bly for chris.

bizza, let me go get you a hoe­gaar­den. but maybe you’d pre­fer pepsi?

Be Socia­ble, Share!

•