hm, it is a pretty good ep, i sup­pose, but that’s not what we’re here to discuss.

actu­ally, wait — a self-evident truth is one that needs no proof, right? crap, guess that’s the wrong sub­ject header for this post. well, er, maybe it’s half cor­rect. some things are obvi­ous to every­one else until they hap­pen to you, at which point you don’t notice until it’s too late. you know?

here’s what i didn’t know until recently: you never get over your first. alter­na­tively, you never get over your last. or, in my case, i never get over my _____.

i was vis­it­ing a friend over the past few days (pics to fol­low, or, well, more than a few would fol­low if the damn bat­tery hadn’t died after 30 min­utes) and we had some good dis­cus­sions. also had some crazy dis­cus­sion with his slightly-crazy lib­er­tar­ian room­mate, but that’s another story. so after some good talk, some things fell out of my brain that i took a look at and won­dered where they came from on the drive home today.

*

while dis­cussing how i don’t feel as numb and/or depressed over the past few years, bran­don had an inter­est­ing the­ory: in brief, it could be pos­si­ble that, over these past few years, i have been expe­ri­enc­ing emo­tions as strongly as a child would. this makes sense, because ther­apy and gen­eral life growth and what­not have occurred and i do feel dif­fer­ently. as a child, i was pretty darn unemo­tional, so maybe now i am get­ting a child’s emo­tional strength.

ok, it sounds crazy, or at least unnerv­ing, right? well, maybe. dunno. i do know that i never seem to fall out of love with any­thing (least­ways not with­out exter­nal pres­sure and some seri­ous self-delusion). all music i ever loved, i still love. all movies i ever loved, i still love. books, food, places, etc…still love them all. women?

now there’s a tough ques­tion. or a touchy ques­tion. or a fully-loaded-gatling-gun-loaded question.

and a friend just asked me if i am an alarmist, if i react quickly and strongly, if one thing will set me off. ha. HA. no. my emo­tional reac­tions to exter­nal stim­u­lus are as slow as can be. it takes me a very long time to process my emo­tions and states of mind, and how they could have been affected, and what or who might have done it.

am i still in love with all the girls i’ve ever loved? i dunno. am i still falling in love with them? hmmm. intriguing.

* para­graph deleted here to pro­tect the inno­cent. this is why the fol­low­ing para­graphs seem ran­dom. if you knew what i excised, then you’d have a bet­ter idea of where i’m com­ing from, and why i’m scared to think that the con­tent of said para­graph could be true.

all of the above is of the old-style ramblin’-micah flavour of post. i take no respon­si­bil­ity for the con­tent, clar­ity, and truth of these state­ments. all i know is that it feels good to put my stu­pid­ity on teh intar­webz again.